You Are Not Behind

A little reminder for this week: you are not behind.

I think, especially these days, it’s incredibly easy to feel like you’re falling behind in life. We’re constantly surrounded by other people’s milestones: engagements, weddings, new babies, homes, promotions, dream careers, travels, and seemingly perfect lives. Even when we’re genuinely happy for the people around us, it can be difficult not to compare their progress to our own.

Maybe your friends seem to be moving into a life that feels certain and secure while you’re still trying to figure out what comes next. Maybe you’re still single, still figuring out what you want, or still trying to make sense of a career that hasn’t worked out the way you imagined. Maybe you have absolutely no idea what your next chapter is supposed to look like.

And then there’s social media. We’re often seeing everyone else’s highlights while living through the unfinished, uncertain parts of our own story. We see the engagement announcement, the new house, the promotion, the vacation, the pregnancy announcement, but we rarely see the doubt, disappointment, financial stress, rejection, or uncertainty that exists behind the scenes.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking a lot about my own timeline lately, or because I’ve been seeing so many people around me enter new seasons of life, but I’ve found myself thinking about this more and more.

Sometimes, it isn’t that you want someone else’s life. You can be genuinely happy for someone and still feel that little ache when you realize you’re not where you thought you would be by now. Those two feelings can exist at the same time.

I know I’ve had moments where I’ve looked around at everyone else and wondered, Am I behind? Should I be further along by now?

The honest answer is that I’m still trying to figure my life out.

I’m currently unemployed, and if I’m being honest, that has been difficult to navigate. Not just financially or professionally, but emotionally too. I’m someone who needs to be busy. I’ve always been the kind of person who feels better when I have somewhere to be, something to work towards, a routine to follow, or a list of things to accomplish.

When I’m busy, I feel productive. I feel like I’m moving forward. When I’m not, I can convince myself that I’m being lazy. I’m a bit hard on myself… aren’t we all?

Logically, I know that resting doesn’t make me lazy, and I know that not having a job doesn’t determine my worth. But sometimes, it’s difficult to separate what I know in my head from what I feel emotionally.

There have been days when I’ve looked at the clock at 4 p.m. and felt like I had nothing to show for the day, even though I’d spent the morning going to the gym, cleaning the house, doing laundry, looking at job postings, creating my website and content, working on my blog, and doing all the little things that make up a life.

When you’re used to measuring your days by what you’ve accomplished, having a season where you don’t have a traditional job or career to point to can leave you wondering what you’re actually doing with your life. I think that’s been one of the hardest parts for me.

I’m slowly learning that being busy isn’t necessarily the same thing as being productive, and being productive certainly isn’t the same thing as being worthy. That’s something I’m still learning to believe, not just understand logically.

And on top of all of that, there’s another part of my story that has shaped the way I think about my career and timeline: being a military spouse, living abroad, and trying to build a career of my own.

Being a military spouse can mean that your life doesn’t always follow a predictable timeline. You move, start over, say goodbye to people and places you’ve grown attached to, and learn how to make a new place feel like home. And while you’re doing all of that, you’re also trying to figure out where your own career fits into a life that can change because of circumstances outside of your control.

It can be strange to work hard to build something for yourself while knowing that, at some point, you may have to pack it all up and start again somewhere new.

When we moved from Arizona to the UK, I found myself starting over in many ways. I was building a life in a new country while also trying to figure out what building a career could look like here. And I’ve actually been incredibly lucky. Since moving to the UK, I’ve had the opportunity to work as a personal trainer, a marketing assistant, and a Director of Growth & Engagement. Each role has taught me something different and given me experiences I’m genuinely grateful for.

But even with those experiences, building a career while living abroad and navigating military life can feel uncertain. There’s always an awareness that plans can change and the future doesn’t necessarily look the way you expected it to.

There have been times when I’ve wondered what my career would look like if my circumstances were different.

Would I be further along?

Would I have a more established career?

Would I feel more confident about where I’m going?

But I want to be really clear: I am so happy and grateful for the life I live.

I’m incredibly grateful for the experiences I’ve had, the places I’ve been able to travel to, the people I’ve met, and the life I get to share with my husband. Living abroad and being a military spouse has given me experiences I never could have planned for myself. There is so much about my life that I genuinely love and wouldn’t trade.

At the same time, gratitude doesn’t mean I have to pretend every part of life is easy. I can love where I am while still having goals for where I want to go. I can be happy with my life while admitting that certain parts of it are difficult.

And maybe that’s something we all need to remind ourselves of.

We’re so often taught to think of life as a checklist, as if there’s a particular order we’re supposed to follow and a certain age by which everything should have happened.

But life doesn’t really work that way, does it?

Some seasons are for growing. Some are for resting. Some are for rebuilding. Some are for starting over. And some are simply for figuring things out as you go.

Sometimes, the season you wish you could skip is the season that teaches you the most about yourself. It can teach you patience and resilience, show you what actually matters, and force you to slow down, rethink what you want, and realize that the life you thought you needed may not be the life that’s meant for you.

That’s something I’ve really learned while living in the UK. I’ve learned to be more patient with slowing down and to understand that not every season has to be filled with constant achievement. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve been learning to trust God’s plan for me, even when I don’t understand it.

That hasn’t always been easy because I like having a plan. I like knowing what I’m working towards and feeling busy and productive. I want to know what comes next and how everything is going to work out. But I’m learning that faith doesn’t always mean knowing where you’re going. Sometimes God asks us to slow down before He shows us what comes next. Sometimes we don’t get the whole plan; we just get the next step. And maybe that’s enough.

For me, I’m learning that I don’t have to fill every hour of every day to prove that I’m doing enough. I don’t have to have a job title to prove that I have value, and I don’t have to constantly be moving forward to prove that I’m not standing still. Sometimes, life asks us to pause. That doesn’t mean we’re going backwards. Sometimes slowing down is part of moving forward.

So, if you’ve been feeling behind lately, take a breath.

You are not behind because your life doesn’t look like someone else’s. You are not behind because you’re single, because you’re still figuring out your career, because your plans changed, or because you had to take a different path. You are not behind because your circumstances have made your journey look different from someone else’s.

Keep showing up, keep learning, and keep growing. Celebrate the little wins, even when they seem insignificant. Getting through a difficult day counts. Applying for the job counts. Trying something new counts. Taking a chance counts. Resting when you need to counts. Not every step forward has to look impressive from the outside. Sometimes progress is simply choosing to keep going.

I’m still trying to figure my life out too. I’m figuring out what I want my career to look like, how to create a life that feels fulfilling while navigating the realities of military life, and how to be comfortable with uncertainty.

And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe we don’t need to have it all figured out right now. Maybe we just need to trust God enough to take the next step, even when we can’t see the whole path ahead.

There is no universal schedule for when you’re supposed to fall in love, find your career, buy a house, start a family, discover your purpose, or finally feel like you have everything together.

You can be grateful for where you are and still be excited for where you’re going. You can love your life and still be figuring it out. You can be uncertain and still have faith. You can slow down without falling behind.

So this week, if you find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, come back to this:

You are not behind.

Your life doesn’t have to happen on anyone else’s timeline. You’re still becoming, still learning, and still writing your story.

Your timeline is your own, and your story is still being written.

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